Close Encounters at EBay

It looks very nice inside but the information on it is very scant.  Does it need new tires?  Does it even run?  Questions to consider before hitting the bid button.
‘reserve not made’
It’s my only hope
Please someone bid higher than $9,200 I need to be outbid  before 11 hours when the bidding is over.
What was I thinking?
Was it the wine
31 feet,
I’ll be  on pins and needles until bidding is over in 11 hours.
I suppose if I  back out of this situation  ( or even be able to back up this rig, ) they won’t let me bid anymore,
E bay will be mad  the owner will be mad and I’m mad at myself.
I’d never bid or even  been on the E bay site  before my MacBook Pro died  and I needed a computer  I bought my MacBook refurbished on E-bay I didn’t know that the back light on the keys made such a difference and sent it back for a new MacBook Air, it’s fine but has a cheap cord. que pasa con Apple??
I saw where another woman, older than I, who bought her rig on E bay site unseen and is very happy with her choice.  Don’t know what her family thought about that, I’m pretty  sure what mine would think, I hope I never have to tell my kids about this,  I don’t think they read I may get away with this  situation. .It would reinforce their concerns about my ability to manage living alone and driving  a RV.
I have a surprise for them,  I may not be alone.  Now  it would be nice if  it was a big strong man traveling with me to do all the tough stuff but no, she is a strong woman with whom I may be sharing the tough stuff.  She is my adventure seeking sister in-law who loves  nature, is up to take a  road less traveled,  is strong and is in the same financial situation I’m in.  Not a good place to be in at our age, life happens and here we are in a difficult pocket of time. ( not sure what that means but I like how it sounds.)
Finding a situation where there are 2 comfortable sleeping areas is a concern.  Two woman traveling together, living together need some separation and privacy but these RV’s are not made for 2 people who are not sleeping  in  the same bed.

OMG my bid has been removed and I am no longer responsible for this 31 foot  home.  Help has arrived! I thank the dealer who forgave me, he even thanked me for letting him know there was a problem.  The problem being me. I told a lie I must admit, I accused my batty Mother of making this ridiculous order, I have to watch her every moment!

Hello Old Lady of the Mirrors


As we age,  do we look,  feel and act differently to ourselves than we did when younger?

Do we have less expectations of ourselves as we get older.?

I asked my Mother and an Aunt, both in their late 80’s if they felt or thought any different compared to their younger selves and both said no, they felt just as they always have.

Dumb question, right answer

I’ve wondered about it because I’m not sure I could answer the same.

I sometimes feel myself diminished by my age.

I hope it is a passing artifact of life’s changes, surely I  am a reasonable woman with a healthy respect for aging, even my own.

But I greet that old woman in the mirror with a surprised smile, Hello old lady in the mirror  and I put my teeth in my mouth,  dentures being another thing we don’t talk about even early in the morning.

I sometimes have trouble finding myself.

Who am I now in this phase of life, no longer a nurse, no longer a spouse, a mother not needed and even in the way, without lover or friend.

A time to contemplate and refresh, but I find myself filling my hours with busyness.

I like making, but is it an escape from thinking  and making decisions? I need a plan.

I will find a plan,

a passion

I have a comfortable space with no real problems but those I invent in my mind.

Torn between staying in my comfort zone or reaching out for more, more opportunity more social interaction, more satisfaction, or remain where I am, where I can help my  family  while my soul dies quietly in the basement,


Conversations with my Muse


Do you think one can come to be so touched by words that a relationship is formed without knowing whose words they are?

I wonder because I feel energy in  these words  and I wonder if everyone who reads them words falls in love with the writer.

Or is it me?

Have I been aroused from my sleep to realize my days are getting shorter.               

Am I satisfied how I am living them,

Will I regret not reaching for more……..


How did I let this happen?

Is it too late to be making a plan?

Finally starting to think about my later years

I know what I’ll do during my 75th,

I’ll be making plans

Who will I be in this next phase,

Will I  bring anything of value to another person,

What are my options.

And why did I let this happen to me?  Never thought I’d be single at this age but divorces are a step into the unknown.  I haven’t made any effort to find a new love or husband,  I’m a happy single, That is not my goal, I’ve been a resource for my kids when they needed me.  They need to be my resource now.

I don’t think I’m alone when I say, I never wanted a long life. And suddenly now I’m 75 Amazes me how did that happen!!   And if I do live long I hope to be functioning at a high level and then drop dead…the wish of all us oldsters.  No pain no drama just be here one day and gone the next.

What will you be remembered for?

Notes on Mourning,

Different cultures mourn in different ways.  In Panama, I noted that there are certain guidelines (mostly from the ‘church) on the wearing of black, then purple and finally white clothes over a specific time frame to indicate the stage of mourning.  If you wear black it is assumed you are in mourning even if you just like your little black dress. I wore a black dress because I liked it and was asked several times ‘who died’


I may be back in another lifetime to work out whatever problems I’ve caused in this lifetime.  I need to do better to improve my karma

I keep my Buddha close to remind me to be kind in any situation. The only words of wisdom I’ve learned these many years, (and not always been true to myself,)  are just three words.

Just Be Kind. 

Only a touch of Despair….

I lose my train of thought


but I’m ready to be an old lady  (ready or not)

only a touch of despair appears on occasion when I am reminded

that I am anIMG_5575 old lady.

why is this ( being an old lady) a negative?

when I forget

when I misplace

when I lose my password  for google  ( yup)

especially when I can’t find my words

like now

not being noticed can be a huge positive.

  A nurse said to me during a visit “when I get old I won’t shave my legs”  then she said ‘I can’t believe I said that to you! Not a gracious thing to say to an old woman she is attending when she is much younger. No offense taken. So really……

Why should I have to shave my legs?  I look down at my hairy legs and feel like a rebel not bowing to convention and shaving them. At 75 no one cares if I shave my legs and now I don’t care either, though it took a little getting used to seeing them, so ingrained in our culture, we must have smooth hairless skin.  It’s these little annoyances that make me wonder if we have things right or if there are better ways to spend our lives.   And I’m usually in pants anyway, actually, if I wore more dresses I would probably shave them while feeling guilty at ..oh hell

Live out your fantasy,  be who you are, not who you are expected to be, surprise yourself.  I did!  I am an artist, a painter  I never thought to paint and now it is my perfect retired lady project. I’m very fortunate and have the almost perfect opportunity to follow my own advice. And what is my advice?  Just be there, pay attention to what makes you feel good and then find ways to do it.

Tomorrow is another day

until it’s not.

Practise what you teach!




The Trouble with Old Folks

 is that not everything works as it did, or should!

And it’s not only the brain which can become unscrewed.

Other parts get used up, some parts can be replaced, others repaired. but they never work as well as they did.

Hearing aids, dentures and eyeglasses are part of the norm after a certain age.

Spare parts become available at great human cost, the death of one can mean life for another.

One day no doubt there will be miracle fixes but please pass me by so I can get on with my next lifetime.