whatifidon’tknowidon’tknow?

 

ifiamconfusedaboutwhatcomesnextdoesthatmeanineverknew?

whatshouldidoifican’trememberwhoiam?

Do you wonder if this is how a person with dementia might feel?  Or is it a blank slate with memories only to rise to the surface now and again often not enough to be a positive factor, but heartbreaking to friends and family that see a spark that doesn’t light up anything.

I was a hospice nurse for my last ten years of nursing and dementia was not a diagnosis we would see for hospice care unless the disease was the very late stage.

 

 

I suppose we have all seen the images of our elderly in nursing homes tied into wheelchairs looking out blankly nonverbal and sad.  Their fate is a huge question because many patients with dementia are in otherwise good health and can stay in these circumstances for many years.  One doesn’t usually die of dementia but of the complications of dementia.

Finally, some serious money is going into research on Alzheimer’s because we are all getting old, concerns of our aging population become the concerns of these aging scientists, doctors, and philanthropists.  Maybe an answer will be found beside good living, good diet, healthy relationships that we probably all know we should value and seek but continue on our way because that’s what we do.

I’m 75 and I would say a good 75.  One might think that I am not thinking logically or am not taking seriously the hazards of my plan to invest in a vehicle I can live in but the upside of the argument seems to be much greater than the downside… to me. I’ll discuss this in another post because so far no one but me sees the upside,  only the problems I  could encounter.

My sister thinks I haven’t thought it out clearly.

She may be right.

 

 

I will be an Artist!

IMG_4174

I was pretty happy being a nurse for many years but when I retired I had no plan for what comes next, then I read that anyone can be an artist so I thought I’m anyone, I  will be an artist.

I am a woman wondering what comes next, open to new ideas, willing to exchange thoughts but confused and restless about who I am now in these later decades of my life.

Being a twice-retired person of meager resources and advanced age, I started out cheap, buying craft paints and board panels and skinny canvas. I painted flowers the ‘one stroke’ Donna Dewberry way. (she is the one who said anyone can paint) I had fun painting pretty flowers for children and sold them at school and community sales.

But lately, I have been watching u-tube videos of abstract painting and this is my new favorite way to paint.  I am a self-taught (artist) painter with help from U-Tube videos, Mr. Lang and Ms. Dewberry and  Mr.Tim Gagnon plus a heap of art how-to books  There is so much to learn!