whatifidon’tknowidon’tknow?

 

ifiamconfusedaboutwhatcomesnextdoesthatmeanineverknew?

whatshouldidoifican’trememberwhoiam?

Do you wonder if this is how a person with dementia might feel?  Or is it a blank slate with memories only to rise to the surface now and again often not enough to be a positive factor, but heartbreaking to friends and family that see a spark that doesn’t light up anything.

I was a hospice nurse for my last ten years of nursing and dementia was not a diagnosis we would see for hospice care unless the disease was the very late stage.

 

 

I suppose we have all seen the images of our elderly in nursing homes tied into wheelchairs looking out blankly nonverbal and sad.  Their fate is a huge question because many patients with dementia are in otherwise good health and can stay in these circumstances for many years.  One doesn’t usually die of dementia but of the complications of dementia.

Finally, some serious money is going into research on Alzheimer’s because we are all getting old, concerns of our aging population become the concerns of these aging scientists, doctors, and philanthropists.  Maybe an answer will be found beside good living, good diet, healthy relationships that we probably all know we should value and seek but continue on our way because that’s what we do.

I’m 75 and I would say a good 75.  One might think that I am not thinking logically or am not taking seriously the hazards of my plan to invest in a vehicle I can live in but the upside of the argument seems to be much greater than the downside… to me. I’ll discuss this in another post because so far no one but me sees the upside,  only the problems I  could encounter.

My sister thinks I haven’t thought it out clearly.

She may be right.

 

 

I will be an Artist! update 3/7/19

I was pretty happy being a nurse for many years but when I retired I had no plan for what comes next, then I read that anyone can be an artist so I thought I’m anyone, I  will be an artist.

IMG_4779 2

I am a woman wondering what comes next, open to new ideas, willing to exchange thoughts but confused and restless about who I am now in these later decades of my life.

Being a twice-retired person of meager resources and advanced age, I started out cheap, buying craft paints and board panels and skinny canvas. I painted flowers the ‘one stroke’ Donna Dewberry way. (she is the one who said anyone can paint) I had fun painting pretty flowers for children and sold them at school and community sales.

But lately, I have been watching u-tube videos of abstract painting and this is my new favorite way to paint.  I am a self-taught (artist) painter with help from U-Tube videos, Mr. Lang and Ms. Dewberry and  Mr.Tim Gagnon plus a heap of art how-to books  There is so much to learn, so many new ways to create art, I’ll need another life-time to learn all this , maybe next life?

By the way, this painting became an  amazing table! Resin was the perfect  finish!

sAKKWi%%S3OpyOSxwFUxiQ_mini_bbe5

sold

Update 3/7/19

Still of meager resources and even yet older, Life has moved on with me to a very new reality, an old lady on wheels. And I’m loving this new life style with GiGI my gas guzzling RV and my Smart car Babe.I’m excited to get my life in my tiny RV settled soon so I can get back to painting I’ll need to find a space, I thought perhaps I’d paint outside at the table but it is really windy here, not sure it’s always as windy as it has been here lately, maybe it calms during the summer. Other than the wind, I think this is the best place to be now, warm and snow-less.

I’m not a real neat painter but at least I won’t be messing up any one’s space other than my own, and I won’t mind cuz that’s the way I am, nothing bothers me for too long. It’s taken me awhile to come to this, it hasn’t always been easy but now is generally my way of looking at and living my life. My sloppy life style doesn’t mean I don’t care, it means I don’t care enough to let details get in the way of my peace of mind. Not everyone sees my point of view however. Live and let live please………Wow I did get off on a tangent didn’t I! Must be the fact that I’m drinking wine from the box!